The Classics Renewed
Jul. 7th, 2012 06:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caper_estBecause I'm still somewhat hung over, and harbouring an enormous vortex of negative energy which sucks the inspiration out of anything it touches, here are some new beginnings for famous works of Western literature, in approximate chronological order. Classics Without Tears*, here we come!
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was "in".
Sing, Muse, something bouncy and feelgood by Stock, Aitken and Waterman!
I got to tell you this story about guns and this geezer.
Here, listen: you know how the old Vikings used to stick it to their enemies.
April's wet and windy, and the pigeons are shagging in your gutters all day. Time to hit the tourist trail!
My brother's the king of parties, but I'm an unprepossessing ratbag!
Dudes! Who wants to hear my twelve-book epic about original sin?!
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a romantic heroine possessed of a good spirit, must be in want of an arrogant prat.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was chucking-out time at the Star and Garter.
Call me an unspellable and unpronounceable symbol, as a mark of my disdain for my publishers.
In a hole in the ground there lived an earwig.
==
*Or other unseemly evocations of human emotion.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was "in".
Sing, Muse, something bouncy and feelgood by Stock, Aitken and Waterman!
I got to tell you this story about guns and this geezer.
Here, listen: you know how the old Vikings used to stick it to their enemies.
April's wet and windy, and the pigeons are shagging in your gutters all day. Time to hit the tourist trail!
My brother's the king of parties, but I'm an unprepossessing ratbag!
Dudes! Who wants to hear my twelve-book epic about original sin?!
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a romantic heroine possessed of a good spirit, must be in want of an arrogant prat.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was chucking-out time at the Star and Garter.
Call me an unspellable and unpronounceable symbol, as a mark of my disdain for my publishers.
In a hole in the ground there lived an earwig.
==
*Or other unseemly evocations of human emotion.
